Rudy - and his Tall Troubles
Rudy was a real sight to see. At six feet and nine inches, he was like a moving skyscraper. People would often say that Rudy was a 'tall drink of water,' and they weren't kidding—he was tall enough to be the whole pitcher. He was a big guy, both in size and in the impression he left on the kingdom. Just maybe not always the best impression.
Rudy was, in many ways, like a lot of big men—a bit slow-moving, both physically and mentally, but gentle and friendly like a puppy that's grown way too large. He had a smile that could put anyone at ease and a tendency to call everyone "hey buddy," probably because he couldn't remember their name. He was well-liked in the kingdom for his kindness and the fact that he couldn't be mean, even if he tried. But thinking things through? Yeah, Rudy wasn't so much a thinker as he was... well, a wanderer.
You see, Rudy had a knack for losing things. He lost his keys, he lost his phone, he even lost his shoes once at the compound pool. His favorite activity, it seemed, was retracing his steps to figure out where he'd left his latest missing item. One time, Rudy even managed to lose his wallet at a fancy private beach called Al Murjan. The thing is, when Rudy sits down, his legs are so long that his pockets basically turn into a slide—anything in them is bound to just slide right out. So there he was, wandering back along the beach, looking like a lost giraffe trying to find its misplaced belongings.
But the real kicker with Rudy was that he wasn't just tall—he was also an unabashed and deeply devoted Christian. Now, being a Christian wasn't a problem in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia; the people there were surprisingly tolerant of other Abrahamic religions, as long as you weren't shoving it in anyone's face. But Rudy, oh Rudy, he liked to do things his own way. He thought it was a good idea to carry his oversized Bible with him in the passenger seat of his car. Not just carry it—display it, like it was his co-pilot. Rudy would cruise down the road, windows down, Bible proudly in sight. Technically, you weren't supposed to be seen as proselytizing in the kingdom, but Rudy thought, "What's the harm?" Well, apparently, quite a bit.
But what really did Rudy in—what truly broke the camel's back—was his attempt at a "magic trick." Now, Rudy wasn't a magician. In fact, he wasn't even remotely good at magic, but he thought it would be fun to perform a trick for his students. Oh, I forgot to mention—Rudy was a English teacher, and his students were military cadets. These weren't exactly the most open-minded bunch; most of them were from the countryside, and they took their customs and traditions very seriously.
One day, Rudy walked into the classroom, grinning ear to ear, and decided it was time to show off his "magical" skills. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a 1 Riyal note, and—wait for it—pretended to blow his nose in it. Now, I don't know where Rudy got the idea that this was magic. Maybe he saw it on a TV show once and thought it would be funny. But here’s the thing: Saudi currency has religious text on it, and pretending to blow your nose on it? Yeah, that’s a big no-no. Like, "get sent home immediately" kind of no-no.
The students sat there, wide-eyed and stunned, as Rudy proudly finished his "trick." He looked around the room, expecting applause or at least a few chuckles. Instead, he was met with looks of horror—like he'd just walked in and declared himself the king of bad decisions. Word spread quickly, and before Rudy could even say "Abracadabra," he was packing his bags and being escorted to the airport. He probably still doesn't understand what he did wrong, but one thing was for sure: Rudy's career in the kingdom was over.
To this day, people still tell stories about Rudy, the gentle giant who tried to do magic and ended up disappearing himself—courtesy of the next available flight. He wasn't a bad guy, not at all. He just had a knack for turning small mistakes into big ones, kind of like everything else about him. In the kingdom, you had to tread lightly and understand what you could and couldn’t do according to their customs and norms. But Rudy? Well, Rudy just stomped his way through, smiling and waving, and hoping everyone else would catch up.
So if you ever find yourself in the kingdom, remember the story of Rudy the Gentle Giant. Be kind, be friendly, but maybe leave the magic tricks and oversized Bibles at home. And always, always check your pockets before you sit down.